You Got Them Baby-Making Hips, Grrrl!

So, like I should make a post. Yeah?
It was really nice and warm, until today when I decided to wear a mini skirt and one of the 500000 tops I bought from Urban. I don't even shop there that much. I was freezing regardless of the top. My flimsly jacket was no match for the elements and my legs are quite possibly frostbitten. Anyways, let's get back to the warm weather. The other day I realised that the only shorts I own are incredibely skanky and/or have light blue paint on them. This is sad.

Oh wow. I love these, and they're incredibely skanky (well not so much this picture. just be glad I didn't pick the one with the girl sticking her butt out). I think that this explains my problem. Well, that and the fact that I actually own these shorts in plain old cotton (which for some reason they aren't selling anymore?). American Apparel running shorts in kelly green, $18.

I apparently really like short shorts. It must be the amount of Barbarella I was exposed to as a young girl. But, these are more Tank Girl than Barbarella. Whatever, man. I think I owned shorts like this in the second grade. I still love them. $90.

Actually, I normally don't wear shorts. Generally when it's hot out I wear skirts or capri-like things. I have a large bottom, it's difficult to find shorts that don't make me look like a video dancer. I have a feeling these won't. Probably because of the significant distance between the hem and buttcheeks. Thank you Elevenses. $68.

This, obviously, is not a pair of shorts. I don't care. I just found it on Digital Gravel and I will buy it, as soon as it's back in stock. $37 (it's in Ladies Wear). Lorena Bobbit will never cease to be an amazing part of pop-culture. I try to work the phrase, "I'm gonna bobbit you, boy!" into daily conversations.

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The Cool

Here are a few things I'm really digging right now/wished I own.
And yes, capris look good on people who aren't middle aged. In fact they look better on the young. Where have you been?

Ben Sherman's Farah trench. Classic. Sexy. Cool. $119.

Alice + Olivia's sequined mini dress. Need I say more than prom? Although I already have this year's prom dress. $396.

Found them at Sveet Couture they're not in my size but, oh if they were. Already sold, but I suppose that you can still look.

Forever 21 probably already has the knock-offs. Oh Chanel, how I love you so.

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Download Ruby by The Kaiser Chiefs

This summer I am working four jobs. I am a cashier at a local grocery store, ateaching assistant at an Elementary school, a cashier/seller at Borders Books Stores, and I babysit. None of these jobs require uniforms.
I need outfits I can wear that will look appropriate (especially the teaching assistant) at each job, as I work more than one per day.

Jean capris are your new best friends, the pair on the left are $231 at Shopbop. Probably out of your price-range, but you get the idea, well fitting and comfortable. Something like the Ernest Sewn Harlen Ankle Length Jean would work too, if you rolled them up at the bottom. Seriously, don't walk around looking like a tool. You can get less expensive capris, a lot like these at your mall. These are just a suggestion. I know I said that before, but some people don't actually read the entire post and I feel the need to repeat myself.
Please buy this shirt on the left. It's gorgeous, it'll look fab with jean capris. It's perfect. When you're teaching you can just wear it with a nice cream jacket but it's also perfect for hanging out. $58. Something like this will also work. Just buy comfortable, cotton tops that look nice but you can also layer with a light jacket for when you need to look a little bit more put together. If I actually bothere to get dressed in the summer this is what I would wear. Shoeswise? Black ballet flats and white open toed flats, hit up all the department stores near you.

In other news, the FAQ has been updated. Check it out. Enjoy it.

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Best Time in a Long Time

Quilted. Not new. Chanel's been doing it for ages and recently it's been incredibley popular. I've just gotten into it. Here are my favorites.

Jo de Mer's quilted make-up bags are so shiny and awesome I can hardly stand it. These genuinely make me happy, I hope you feel the same way.

These past few years, Steve Madden can do no wrong. There was that brief period of time in the 90's where they made those awful platform flipflops and other equally heinous shoes but these ballet flats make up for it. They're simple and classy and the quilting adds that nice little detail. $59.95.

Chanel. Duh. How could I resist? Besides, this the the most rocking quilted clutch to come out of Chanel in...ever. I must own it. Eventually. Some day I will.

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Simply Because I Don't Need Smaller Boobs

I don't understand why anyone would put this on a dress. Or a shirt. Or anything. You know what I'm talking about, that odd smocking elastic business happening on the bust. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? All it does is make the person wearing it look even flatter. I can't even remember the last person I saw with sizeable breasts wearing something like this but I'm sure it was awful. Don't wear anything remotely similiar to this.
Especially in this color. What was Nordstrom's thinking when they decided to stock this dress? Obviously they weren't.

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Basically Glamorous

I'm back a day early. How progressive is that? Very, my friend. But, how could I wait a day to write about these American Apparel leggings? It is physical impossible. Really. I want these leggings. I need these leggings. They're shiny and tacky and all things wonderful. And what's even better is that they own up to their tackiness. They're called the Vegas leggings for christ's sake. I mean, if they weren't $42 I would own them now and be wearing them as I write this. But, honestly, who would pay over $20 for a pair of leggings that are a) embarrasing b) don't allow your legs to breathe and c) probably make your claves look huge. I still want them though. Oh American Apparel, I am such a fool for you.

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I'll Be There

So, the website should be fully running with a new layout, new updates, new whatever by next week. As in Sunday. As in April 15. Atleast that's my goal. In the mean time, here's a preview:
1. Giving The Finzz (left) a make-over. And he's actually down with it.
2. The best pair of aviators I have ever found in my entire life (as in, the first pair of aviators that actually look good on me).
3. My new found obsession with gold door knockers.
4. Brown Babie$ love.
5. My criticisms of sundresses and why they should just go away and stop tempting me with their prettyness.
6. Sneakers. I like them. I used to not.
7. My latest musical obsessions (Lily Allen, who is playing at the 9:30 club today. Except it's Easter so I can't attend, Lupe Fiasco, The Grateful Dead (again), etc.)
8. Fashion questions answered. So e-mail me. Seriously. I have started giving advice to random people I don't know. I'm an addict, you have my junk.
9. The fascinating and beautiful rhythm of Luxembourgish.
10. Prom.

Tell your friends. Tell everyone who might of at one point read this site. I'm actually quite excited.


Bigger Better Stronger

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
Well, almost. Tell your friends. It's going DOWN.

More music. More fashion. More me getting pissy for no reason. Get excited.